That which is not often spoken about

The topic of pregnancy loss is painful but important, because it is has impacted most of us to some degree.

Pregnancy loss is, unfortunately, no rare phenomenon. One in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage in the UK. Additionally, every day in the UK around 8 pregnancies end in stillbirth. The profound grief that accompanies this loss can be intensified by well-meaning friends and family. Though they mean well, these people haven't comprehended the depth of the loss that has occurred, and by wanting to "comfort", say things like: "At least you know you can get pregnant", "It's time to move on", " God needed a special angel", or "It was for the best". Though these kinds of comments are well-intentioned, they devalue the loss that has happened and can inflict deeper hurt in the grieving mother and family. These kinds of comments can also create a strong feeling of isolation in the mother or couple, because the people who should have been most understanding and supportive have not comprehended the extent of the deep hurt that has occurred. A woman or couple's reaction to loss is usually multi-layered: there might be severe anxiety accompanying the loss, a feeling of being unable to cope with normal life, fear of another loss happening in the future, guilt over planning another pregnancy, alcohol misuse and the feeling that you may never be happy again.

Counselling can help the grieving process. You don’t have to be alone on this journey. Grieving is not about forgetting or getting over what has happened. It’s about learning how to live with what has happened.